FEMALE ON THE BEACH (1955)

Confession time: Universal’s FEMALE ON THE BEACH directed by Joseph Pevney and starring the ever so intense Joan Crawford had been sitting on my shelf unwatched for years—FOR YEARS. And people call me call a trash guru. Unforgivable, if you ask me. But seriously, the main reason for this faux pas has been that I own so many titles—whether they are movies, miniseries, TV shows or books—that I hardly know where to look or, more importantly, when to focus on them. Well, now seems like a good idea for this 1955 black and white film also starring then-hottie Jeff Chandler. I took a look at it over the Holidays and indeed found it quite endearing in a so bad it’s so good manner.

Crawford plays a middle-aged rich widow who moves into a beach house owned by her late husband. Cynical to the core but always dressed to the nines, she has no time for romantic liaisons, or so she thinks. In comes gigolo neighbour Chandler for whom she eventually falls deeply. What a girl to do? Well, drink heavily when he doesn’t call, for once. Then when he does show up, drop everything (except your heels to walk on the beach) just so to be near him, which of course may lead to a proposal of marriage if you play your cards right. 

As if all this wasn’t crazy enough, Crawford also ends up discovering in the house a hidden diary in which a former tenant’s description of her romantic attachments to Chandler led her to her death from the balcony. Was she pushed? Was it accidental? I bet it wasn’t. But more importantly, will Crawford be next and still look stunning? 

As mentioned in other posts, a lot more is going on in this campy little number but I always chose to keep zilch as much as I can so anyone interested in catching the film can happily simmer in the swing of things—and this one does not disappoint, trust me. From the many mood swings of our star heroine to the crazy turn of events, to the amazing shot of our gigolo running into the ocean in a slightly girlish way, I’d say that FEMALE ON THE BEACH is indeed unintentionally funny. And thank heaven for that, for I wouldn’t have it in any other way. Sadly, this pure cinematic bonbon was to be Crawford’s last glamorous film. What followed before the actress made it big again with Baby Jane was a slew of desperate housewives vehicles that are tamer in the looks department but no less cuckoo. I’m talking about QUEEN BEE, AUTUMN LEAVES, THE STORY OF ESTHER COSTELLO. You should check them out as you should FEMALE ON THE BEACH. It has been a while since TCM aired this gem. I hope they put it on their schedule very soon.

Until next post—Martin