‘FORTUNES’ BY VERA COWIE

 

After finishing up the underwhelming GAMES by Vera Cowie a few years ago it was a no-brainer for me that I should stay away from this UK author. After all she just wasn’t my cup of tea. Well, never say never again I guess, for I did end up giving her another shot. The book is called FORTUNES, a 1987 release from Onyx—her third and final outing in America. It is a 500+ page novel set in the lucrative world of the auction house. And, yes, I found this one better. Still flawed but better.

 

The plot focuses on two rival half-siblings vowing for a spot as the head of an auction empire (Despard’s International) left by the deceased father of one of the two (he abandoned woman and child to marry the love of his life who already had a daughter from a previous marriage). Of course, both women are as different as night and day. One is a manipulative vixen who will stop at nothing to get ahead. The other is a plain duckling turned into a swan who is a bit green but tries her best to stay afloat in business. In between stands a sexy Cherokee lawyer who is married to the vixen but ends up being very attracted to the swan. He is also the executor of the will which stipulates that whoever accumulates the highest profits wins the whole shebang. Who will end up on top? Well, mum’s the word, I say.

 

What I can reveal, however, is that there is a lot going on in this novel: fraud, attempted murder, arson, anything to trample on the competition. The chemistry between the swan and the lawyer is not as palpable as it should be but the narrative does its hardest to spice it up; as it does much more adroitly when focusing on the two female competitors. In fact, I would have loved a lot more confrontations between the two. They sort of reminded me of Alexis and Krystle in Dynasty, which is always a good thing. Speaking of which, there is also a queer character in this novel who I feel the author captured very realistically, but, alas, he is brushed aside too quickly to focus more on romance and double-crossing.

 

To say that FORTUNES is the best read of the year would be an inaccuracy on my part. It does its job well without rendering it a page turner. The bloated narrative may irk some but if you are able to overlook this you’ll probably have a nice time too reading this 80’s novel. I will definitely give Vera Cowie another try now that she has redeemed herself with this effort.

 

Until next post—Martin 

UK PB Edition

‘A WINTER MEMORY’ BY LULU TAYLOR

  

I’ve been a fan of Lulu Taylor ever since OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE came out in 2012. I’ve read a couple of other things by her, which I enjoyed just as much. But, color me clueless, I seemed to have forgotten to blog about them. Not very cool on my part, I must say. Well, things are about to change, for I intend on focusing more on this woman’s work, starting with her latest, A WINTER MEMORY which NetGalley and the Pan publishers graciously offered in exchanged for this unbiased review.

 

A WINTER MEMORY is all about the character of Sylla and her whereabouts. That’s more or less how the novel starts. Sylla has disappeared god-knows-where and it’s up to her sister-in-law Helen, who has recently moved with her husband into his family home, to discover what the heck happened to her. This eventually brings to the forefront secrets and lies that will eventually change the course of everyone’s lives. And in another time period there is the story of Tigs who, as much as she tries to hold back her feelings, still yearns for the man she believes that got away. As luck would have it, she eventually ends up being right back into his life. Will the circumstances be different this time around?

 

Well, let me say this, time passed by so quickly while reading this first-person narrative story, I almost didn’t want it to end. Lulu Taylor weaves a wonderful tale of love and loss and brings together different strong story lines that will stay in my mind for a very long time. Beside a couple of plot twists that I wasn’t expecting (which is always a good thing), the story highlights a couple of characters that are well-developed but not necessarily always likable (which is another good thing). The prose is tight, and the lavish setting, mostly in and around Scotland, is breathtaking. All in all, the perfect book to cozying up with during those long winter months.  

 

A WINTER MEMORY is now available wherever books or eBooks are sold.

 

Until next post—Martin 

 

 

BAD GIRLS CLUB: ANGIE DICKINSON IN ‘JESSICA’

 

I remember seeing Angie Dickinson for the very first time on TVs POLICE WOMAN back when I was a little one. It played in re-runs daily. I never caught an entire episode (crime dramas never were my cup of tea) but I do recall telling myself how sexy this woman was. Fast forward to a couple of years later and there she was again in the Jackie Collins’ HOLLYWOOD WIVES miniseries on ABC. As you can imagine, that one I watched many times over, so it’s probably safer to say I know her from that TV event more than anything else. Since then I have caught her here and there in interviews, TV movies, even in the Brian DePalma film DRESSED TO KILL (which I saw on opening day many many years ago). She is a 90 year old recluse today.

 

She certainly is a sight for sore eyes in 1962 JESSICA, a light romantic comedy set in Italy. In it she plays an American widowed midwife who unknowingly creates havoc amongst the jealous women townsfolk, one of whom being TVs BEWITCHED Agnes Moorehead. Indeed, they are so much green with envy that they end up forming a plan to get rid of her by depriving their men of any sexual favors—no candy no baby, so no midwife, get it? Of course it all goes awry. Some women resist, some don’t. One ends up with a shiner, as does her husband. But the best part is following sweet and angelic but oh-so sexy Jessica as she ultimately gets some revenge time. You should see her going at it as she shows her curves while skinny dipping or riding her Vestra motorbike across the Sicilian village (with one of the women’s husband in tow at one time). My, the evil eye she gets... Maurice Chevalier is also in this, playing the town priest, who sings a tune and tries his best to match-up Jessica with the recluse handsome marchese Gabriele Ferzetti. We all know that it will eventually happen but half the fun is watching them get there.

Based on the novel The Midwife of Pont Clery by Flora Sandstrom, JESSICA is not the greatest film adaptation (which, BTW, is directed by Jean Negulesco who also gave us the classic THREE COINS IN THE FOUNTAIN and the similar Ann-Margret vehicle THE PLEASURE SEEKERS). It does tend to be too saccharinely-sweet despite the tawdry subject but Daniel F. Flapp’s cinematography of the Forza d’Agrò town (used also for 1974 THE GODFATHER) is quite impressive. And Miss Dickinson does try her best to make her character come alive which she does from time to time, but mostly she turns on the automatic pilot. All in all, JESSICA is mindless fun, a film that I would re-watch on a rainy Saturday afternoon while I’m doing the dishes or rearranging my drawers.

 

Until next post—Martin

 

‘A GLIMPSE OF STOCKING’ OR WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED, ELIZABETH GAGE?!—PART 2

  

I so much love A GLIMPSE OF STOCKING by Elizabeth Gage that during the summer I made it my mission to track down a 1^st  edition hardcover. Not an easy task, as it turns out, but one I wasn’t about to give up. I mean, how can I go on without owning this gem in hardback, even if it ends up only gathering dust on my busy bookshelf? To me, it’s a no-brainer. And I’m sure it is for a lot of you bookworms out there. This novel is the epitome of perfect trash. From the well-rounded characterization to the engaging intricate plot to the oh-so fine narrative, not to mention the psychological appeal, I could read it over and over again. Oh wait, that’s what I have been doing for the last 30 some years.  This will be my fourth time this year.  Why again, you may ask? Simple, this book always ends up being my go to when compared to other reads. So why not have another go at it? It has even bumped HOLLYWOOD WIVES by Jackie Collins off the top scale. Oh, make no worry, I still find Collins to be the best (how couldn’t I if based on her entire body of work) but Gage’s first published novel just does it for me like no other novels can. 

 

The first time I ordered the book in hardcover I received—gasp!—a Book Club Edition, even though I was promised a 1^st edition. I had to insist on a refund which I ultimately got, but for a minute there it looked like I was going to be stuck with this edition until I bought another one. Of course I was ready to order again from a different vendor but I was wary of the possible outcome. What if a BCE was again sent my way? But surprise, surprise, I finally received what I had desperately hoped for and I couldn’t be happier: a 1^st edition in a very good condition. It now stands next to INTIMATE, another Gage title I own in HC—another first edition as well.

 

My fervent wish had always been that Elizabeth Gage would come out of the woodwork and write another blockbuster. Imagine how excited some of us would be just to see another release with her name on it. I think I would tear up. I kid you not. But as much as I would love it to happen, I know now it never will. I have since found out that the author has died in 2002 at the age of 54. Her real name was Susan (Rusch) Libertson and according to my research, which I partly screen-grabbed below, she supposedly co-wrote her amazing novels with her then-husband Joseph Libertson. He has since written some suspense thrillers under the name Joseph Glass. I do own one called EYES. I may review it one of these days. 

Will Joseph Libertson tackle a Gage novel on his own? I doubt it. As you can see, he has moved on since then (especially after the Simon & Schuster past debacle over the release of the Gage books, which I judiciously discussed right here), and with good reasons. It just wouldn’t be the same without his partner in crime. So, after this planned re-read of mine I think it will be time for me to turn over a new leaf and focus on something else. There are too many books that I have yet to discuss here. This is my third A GLIMPSE OF STOCKING entry on this blog and it will be my last. I have said everything I wanted to say about it and its author (s). May she rest in peace.

 Until next post—Martin 

 

GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)

You know when Scarlett O’Hara furiously swears she’ll never be hungry again in the final scene of GONE WITH THE WIND before the intermission? Well, the 12 year old kid that I was thought that this was the end of the film and walked out of the theater. It took me years to realize I had only seen half of it. When I did catch on to my mistake, my reaction was, meh, why bother with the rest? Fast foward to four decades, and what do you know, I have finally seen this classic in its entirety, and let me tell you it sure was worth the wait.

 

I’ve never been that keen on historical dramas whether on screen or on paper. So perhaps the kid in me that day caught it early on and got out of that movie theater as quickly as he could. Not that the film was a total bore. I remember liking it enough. But after two hours of North and South bashing, slave slapping, and that damn American Civil War ultimately taking over everything else, I wanted to stick with lighter fares, like VALLEY OF THE DOLLS or THE LEGEND OF LYLAH CLARE (which I promise to spotlight one of these days).

 

One evening after dinner recently I found myself locking eyes with the film. It had already started. Perhaps an hour and a half, more or less, had passed but I still found myself intrigued and soon realized I wanted to finish what I had started that many years ago. I had never read the novel, though I do own it (bought an old English paperback edition in Paris). I always imagined that I would eventually invest my time in it. Now I am positive that I will, for what I came to see on my flat screen TV gave me reason enough to pick the novel up and dig right in.

 

I won’t go over the film too much (what else could I say that has not already been said before) but I will declare that I came out of it surprised, enthralled, touched, but most importantly in awe of the whole thing. Clearly, this big melodramatic event deserves all the stops, only for the chance to see the actors, the costumes, the scenery, the cinematography, the special FX, the whole enchilada. Yes, you will be caught up in the goings-on of that snobby little know-it-all who succeeds in making you like her despite her many faults. You’ll even come to understand her plight when Rhett Butler walks out on her on that faithful day. I know I did.

 

Now I really want to see the TV miniseries SCARLETT based on the continuing story by novelist Alexandra Ripley. I’ll probably read it first. So don’t expect a review real soon. Remember, I need to go over the Mitchell book first and that one is also a door stopper. But if you’re really, really patient I’ll eventually get to it, just like I did with this featured movie. I just hope it won’t take me another 40 years to do so.

 

Until next post—Martin

 

THE PEOPLE OF 'THE WORLD IS FULL OF MARRIED MEN’, THE NOVEL

A few weeks ago, after DNFing many books I thought would bring me joy, I decided to go back to the basics and reread my favorite authors, starting with Jackie Collins. I remember a time when I couldn’t get enough of her. I always seemed to have my nose in one of her books to the point of dreading the day that I would have to wait for a new release. I cured that itch by slowing down on my reading. Even now, after her passing in 2015, I still have some titles from hers just waiting to be cracked open. So anyway, without further ado, let’s focus on her debut novel THE WORLD IS FULL OF MARRIED MEN (Signet, 1969).

 

Set in London in the swinging ‘60s, the story focuses on three main characters: the cheating husband, the wife and the mistress. Two are  antagonists. Can you guess which one? I bet you can. Yet, Collins manages to make them all sympathetic despite their many flaws. Take the character of Claudia, for example, the bitchy self-possessed mistress. The author clearly does not want you to root for her. Despite of that, it’s really hard not to, especially when you get the feeling that you know exactly where she’s coming from (dysfunctional family, insecure little girl, the discovery of sex at a young age...). Like many girls her age, you know that she’ll be fine. She’ll even make it as an actress, her fervent wish. It’ll only take more casting couches to get there. And besides, isn’t that why David came into the picture in the first place? 

 

David, the other antagonist, is a successful advertising executive who desperately needs excitement in his life. And what better way to get it than having a wild fling with the most beautiful girl passing at his firm, because truthfully, his wife barely does it for him anymore. She may still be pretty, faithful, understanding and all that shit but the sparks are definitely gone. If only his mistress Claudia was a little less cray-cray he’d convince her to marry him. Oh, make no mistake, this guy loves the recklessness in her, especially in between the sheets, but he sometimes wishes he could tame her, like he does pretty much with his wife. No can do, it seems, which leads him into all kind of embarrassing situations. But he won’t give her up, not yet. Not until he feels that the relationship has really run its course. Then who knows who will be next? Now, where the heck is his secretary?

 

Which brings us to the most important character in the novel, Linda, the wife who’s being cheated on. Sure, she knows something is up. She is not stupid. David has not been the same lately. He’s never home anymore. Plus, he’s barely touched her in months. Had the children been grown she would have started thinking of leaving him. For now, well, she just can’t. Or so she thinks, for a chance meeting in a sit-in protest in downtown London will change the course of her monotonous life. And that my friends is the exact moment of the Jackie Collins girls can do anything motto, because, yes, Linda will eventually emancipate herself from her present life. She will discover that, like her cheating husband, she can do whatever the fuck she wants. It will start with a fling, then move on to a more serious relationship which, however, will not be as evident from the get go. But I’ll let you find out the rest for yourself.

 

THE WORLD IS FULL OF MARRIED MEN, like all of Collins later work,is a feminist novel. Empowering women is her thing, and thank heavens for that, for I would not have it any other way. It’s what makes her novels so compelling. But let’s get something straight before I finish. Not all men are pigs in her novels. Some of them are actually pretty decent. You just got to pair them with the required antagonists—male or female, I must add. Then the story truly sparkles—and boy! does THE WORLD IS FULL OF MARRIED MEN glow... Pick it up and see for yourself.

 

 

Until next post—Martin 

Our queen on the cover of the 1968 HC

‘WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY’ BY LAUREN WEISBERGER

I must confess that I’m mad for Lauren Weisberger. Everything she writes makes me smile—from her all-time classic THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA to its endearing sequels, not to mention her non- Prada outings (especially 2006 EVERYONE WORTH KNOWING which I really need to discuss soon). Nothing she gets out passes me by and her latest, WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY (now out from Random House Publishing Group), is no different. As the others, I devoured this one in no time. The story is set in the world of morning shows. Well some of it is, the rest focuses on suburbia and its many ups and downs, especially when it involves the sister of the famed protagonist, who is caught in a scandal. I won’t go too far, but let’s just say that the author borrowed somewhat from a true to life event that has made headlines all over the world not too long ago (think Lori Loughlin, et al.).  

Indeed, WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY relies on that scandal but it’s the after the fact situations that really sells the novel.  I couldn’t wait to find out the outcome for these strong-willed but flawed women. WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY is fast-paced, narratively stimulating, and a joy from start to finish. Sure, I had a pretty good idea of where it was all going, but it barely mattered, for the main characters were sympathetic enough for me to enjoy the ride despite the obvious. So, of course, I give this novel the highest praise and I look forward to Lauren Weisberger’s next addictive offering which will probably see the light of day in a couple of years—if based on the cycle of release from her backlist. But hey, take your time, talented lady. You know we’ll be waiting.

 

My thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for this ARC.

 

Until next post—Martin

August 2021 UK Edition

 

 

 

 

 

‘THE SECRET PATH’ BY KAREN SWAN

When I’m not writing those wonderful reviews of mine I work in a hospital. I have been at it for quite some time now: thirty plus years. And when I’m not working, I read a lot. That is, I used to read a lot. Because all my time is now spent taking care of sick people, thanks mostly to that damned global pandemic of ours. Anyway, to make a long story short, I barely read nowadays and when I do I invest on authors that I love. Case in point: Karen Swan.

 

I have been following her career for quite some time. Though I have yet to read her entire back list, I always enjoy her stories of beautiful people and the gorgeous locations she puts them in. Her latest, THE SECRET PATH (Paperbacks available now in Canada from Macmillan), follows that same recipe to a T, but contrary to her other novels, it has failed to capture me totally. No fault to her, I must say. It’s just that I prefer not to read about anything involving medicine and such. Yes, I should have glanced at the synopsis before requesting the novel on NetGalley. Color me crazy, but I just prefer avoiding reading any summery when it involves a fave author of mine. So forgive me Ms. Swan if I’m not that keen over your latest. I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from and I’m also sure that other readers will enjoy it better than I did. But I promise to be back when the itch beckons again which will probably happen in the next months or so since I have the holiday novel with your name on it to look forward to.

 

In the meantime here’s the synopsis I did ignore for THE SECRET PATH:

 

‘In Costa Rica, amid startling white beaches and hot, dense rainforests, the luxurious world of the super-rich butts up against something darker, something sinister. . .

Tara Tremain has worked hard to leave the controlling grasp of her extremely affluent family far behind. With her own career in medicine, she doesn’t need the Tremains’ expectations weighing her down any more. But pulled back into the family’s orbit one last time for an unmissable party in the jungles of Costa Rica, she finds herself flung into action: a local boy is desperately ill and she must trek for days into the jungle to save his life.

What Tara could never have predicted is that the one person who can help her in this impossible journey is Alex Carter, the man who destroyed her life ten years ago . . .’

 

 Until next post—Martin 

 

 

 

BAD GIRLS CLUB: EVE PLUMB IN ‘DAWN: PORTRAIT OF A TEENAGE RUNAWAY’

 

By the time I discovered The Brady Bunch, the all-too-sweet comedy TV series featuring a widow with three girls who marries a widower with three boys it had already been cancelled. It was a few years after 1974 and I remember how I used to hurry home from school to catch the latest episode in rerun which aired weekdays at 4 in Canada right after reruns of One Day At A Time (a contender for a future blog entry, for sure). Of course I found the series to be so moralistic and silly but all I wanted was to connect with something that was the opposite of my miserable life (an alcoholic dad, a mean mom, a delinquent brother, a bullied school environment). And if I needed, say, Mike and Carol Brady and their squeakily clean kids to help me achieve this, then so be it.

 

When all America was going gaga for Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! I, on the other hand, had a soft spot for middle-child Jan. She had a thing about her that made me relate to her even more. It was probably the fact that she kept playing second fiddle to everyone, a bit like I felt all the time. Anyway, to make a long story short if I could have had one curl on each side of my face like she did (for a while anyway) I probably would have done so in a jiff. With my luck I would have looked more like a Rabi—a gay-bashed Rabi (!), mind you—but I sure would have felt even closer to that character.

 

So imagine my happiness when I happened to discover sweet insecure little Jan in a late night TV-movie a few months later. In it she played a hooker—yes a hooker. It was called DAWN: PORTRAIT OF A TEENAGE RUNAWAY (1976) and it told the tale of a 15 year-old who flees from her troubled home (like mine?) to end up on Hollywood boulevard where she meets sweet Alexander (played by Leigh McCloskey from TVs DALLAS) who unwillingly introduces her to prostitution. Alexander is also a fellow runaway who sells his body but (here’s the big kicker, especially in those days) to lonely or not-so-lonely middle aged men. Witnessing this part (though it is mostly if not totally suggested) was a first for me, since homosexuality was barely visible on TV during those days. Though it was viewed as a bad thing, the lost little guy in me was pretty satisfied being able to peek at a world far from his own yet still close enough to resonate with him.

 

When Dawn eventually breaks ties with prostitution (way to go, Jan!) it is mostly with the help of Alexander—with whom she has fallen in love.  She finally agrees to go back home after he promises to come back for her when he’s saved enough money, thus both moving on to ALEXANDER: THE OTHER SIDE OF DAWN, the TV-movie sequel, which aired a year later after the success of DAWN: PORTRAIT OF A TEENAGE RUNAWAY on NBC.

 

I saw both movies back to back that summer night in the late ‘70s. I wanted the story to continue on as a weekly series which, come to think of it, would have been entirely impossible on account of the heavy subject matter of the time. Yet I connected with these two characters and I spent the remaining year looking out for other TV plots resembling the Dawn and Alexander duo movies or something in the same vein. I found many like LITTLE LADIES OF THE NIGHT (1977), DIARY OF A TEENAGE HITCHHIKER (1979) BILLY: PORTRAIT OF A STREET KID (1975), I WANT TO KEEP MY BABY (1976), BORN INNOCENT (1974), CAGED WITHOUT A KEY (1975), SARAH T. - PORTRAIT OF A TEENAGE ALCOHOLIC (1975), THAT CERTAIN SUMMER (1972), NIGHTMARE IN BADHAM COUNTY (1976) which I already reviewed here. Most of these made-for-TV efforts sound like bad After School Specials but you’d be surprise at how effective some of them actually are. But that’s for another couple of blog entries. So stay tuned.

 

Until next post—Martin

 

‘RUTHLESS WOMEN’ BY MELANIE BLAKE

 

Feminist-prone RUTHLESS WOMEN (2021, Head of Zeus) by British author Melanie Blake offers a yummy premise: to save a long-running world-wide syndicated soap opera from being cancelled the Beautiful People behind Falcon Bay resolve into broadcasting a live episode which will celebrate its 40^th anniversary by introducing a female antagonist à la Alexis from TVs Dynasty. But there’s more. Prior to the live broadcast, a reality TV special will air, featuring actresses vying for the pivotal role before the winner gets chosen by the TV audience.  You’re taking notes, Andy Cohen?

 

Suffice to say, this is a fun book, and a hot one at that. There’s a bunch of great characters in it, all more wicked than the other. ‘Cause besides those reality TV contenders, the novel also highlights a slew of other wonderful strong-willed women: a leading lady, a producer, a writer-director, a super-agent, a casting director—all over 50 and still trying to break down the boys’ club doors. You’ll definitely want to get to know them and see some justice done. As expected, the novel has a Jackie Collins vibe to it but RUTHLESS WOMEN is more than just a Collins knockout. Aside from the sex, the behind-the-scene shenanigans and the fast-moving narrative, the novel winds up owning its own style. If I had to be a little bit fussy I would say that some situations have got to be taken with a grain of salt at times (the hotel room cocaine bust, for instance) but otherwise this is one great addictive trashy read.

 

This is Melanie Blake’s sophomore novel after 2019 THE THUNDER GIRLS. If you enjoyed that one I think you’ll dig even more RUTHLESS WOMEN. I certainly did. I look forward to reading the sequel. Last that I heard Ms. Blake is hard at work on it. This time the novel will focus on the men side as they take their own revenge on the women that have ‘wronged’ them. One word: yummy. In the meantime do pick up RUTHLESS WOMEN, will ya?

 

My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this captivating ARC.

 

 

Until next post—Martin 

BAD GIRLS CLUB: PIA ZADORA IN ‘FAKE-OUT’

 

After watching the delectable THE LONELY LADY in the mid-‘80s on VHS I made the solemn vow to catch anything that starred Pia Zadora. It scarcely mattered if it was a film, an album, an invitation to some talk show. As long as there was her name on it I was a happy trooper. That’s how I came to rent 1982 FAKE-OUT a year later. I remember being very excited at the prospect of finally seeing her in something else. BUTTERFLY was still on my bucket list so I was really looking forward to enjoying this one. Did I? Well, read on, my little cyber friends, read on.

 

The best thing about FAKE-OUT (aka NEVADA HEAT)—besides having the lovely Pia sing the opening Last Vegas number (‘Those Eyes’) in freeze-frame shots while clad in a Bob Mackie original—is the first 17 minutes when she ends up being thrown in the slammer after refusing to testify against her mobster boyfriend. There the viewer gets to see Pia take a shower; grind her leotard-clad booty while conducting an inmate aerobic class; get tough love via a girl on girl (suggested only) gang bang action. Can we say CHAINED HEAT part deux? Not so, sadly, for what follows is all happening outside the slammer where screwball comedy is king and playing cat and mouse is a prerequisite.

 

Indeed, Pia’s character ends up buying her way out of prison and spending part of the movie trying to sneak out of the casino hotel room where custody cops Telly Savalas and Desi Arnaz Jr. keep her while she waits to see the DA. Of course she’ll fail miserably while developing an attraction to Arnaz who ends up taking her away in a luxury yacht where they fall in love and ultimately get shot at before the final credits roll. The movie is about 90 minute long but boy does it seem endless. Wooden characters, cringed-worthy situations, clichés abound, FAKE-OUT feels more like a collection of silly vignettes than an actual movie. Pia tries her best but once out of jail nothing really makes her shine. Still, we get to see her a lot, with or without her lack of chemistry with love interest Desi Arnaz Jr. Oh and Savalas gets to play a Kojak-like type once again minus the lollipop. Suffice to say his on-screen presence barely helps matters, but since he was still a pseudo-hot commodity back then, what do I know? All in all, a very disjointed film that started promising but quickly crashed and burned due mainly to everything falling flat. Where’s Nomi Malone when we need her.

 

C0-written, produced, and directed by Matt Climber who gave us the much better BUTTERFLY—Pia’s first major role—the year prior, FAKE-OUT is the remake of LADY COCOA (1975) by the same director. It stars Vegas sensation Lola Falana. Supposedly it is not so good either. I will still catch it one day and let you know all about it. In the meantime go watch or re-watch THE LONELY LADY or BUTTERFLY instead. You’ll have a better time. Trust me. Unless you’re a Pia Zadora super fan, then, by all means indulge yourself. But you have been warned.

 

Until next post—Martin