I’ve been dreading writing this blog entry for many weeks now. Still, I feel I should do so since I’m still a fan of DYNASTY despite finding the seventh season the worse of them all—so far. Don’t get me wrong, I had high hopes for this one since it involved yet again one of my favorite characters, Caress (Alexis’ sister), played by the dearly departed Kate O’Mara. But like her short involvement in the many storylines this season, the continuous tribulations of the Carringtons ended up being not that exciting after all.
If you recall, Alexis is literally left speechless when a crazed Blake attempts to choke her to death over the fact that she has stolen his estate under his nose. Thankfully she is saved at the last minute by the sweet words of Krystle who clearly does not want to see her hubby end up in jail. We would, but that would mean the demise of our beloved nemesis and we sure wouldn’t want that, would we? Over at La Mirage, firestarter Claudia finally perishes in the flames, as some other bit players do, but not the new Amanda (Karen Cellini) who is suddenly rescued by a stranger. In real life Catherine Oxenberg, who played the first Amanda, wanted more cash, so out she went to be replaced by this unknown person who seems to have little talent even when uttering a few words—but more on that later.
Blake is soon accused of arson, thanks to—whom else—Alexis. He finally goes to the slammer (yes!) but not for too long (a pity): Dominique’s adult daughter, who, BTW, always acts as if she’s 12, comes quickly to the rescue when she remembers seeing the flames starting up in Claudia’s room back at La Mirage, thus making Blake a free man.
In the meantime, Krystle is the victim of a car accident which leaves her with a migraine or two, but she turns out to be just fine. Not so for little Krystina, however, who later on contracts this heart-related disease. She needs a heart transplant, STAT. It so happens that Dex’s newly widowed woman friend (Cassie Yates) has one for her, her recent dead daughter’s. So in it goes into little Krystina who’s finally safe and sound but spends the remaining episodes being stalked by this Good Samaritan who just can’t get over the fact that her actual daughter is gone. The woman finally does come to her senses and is sent away forever by the Carringtons.
Now onto the crucial episodes involving Alexis’ sis, Caress. Crucial for many of us but, as it turns out, not so much for the producers of DYNASTY since the character ends up barely making waves. A few scenes here and there, and off she goes abroad where we never hear from her again. She will be missed.
Back to Denver, the new Amanda finds out that her rescuer from the flames at La Mirage is none other than Michael Culhane, Blake’s two-timing, Fallon humping limousine chauffeur who has got the hots for Amanda now. The two go at it like bunnies (not really; just in this one scene where Wayne Northrop shows his muscular form) at the expense of a worried Blake who clearly wants to end this union. He finally gets his wishes when Amanda disappears forever, never to be seen or mentioned again (besides this one quick line of her being in Paris). In reality, things didn’t work out for the actress and she was yanked during mid-season. I personally didn’t mind her being around. She had that Pia Zadora quality about her that I found quite endearing. Oh well, she will be missed.
OK, we need some Alexis time again so here it goes. After Blake suffers memory loss due to an oil ring explosion in Singapore (from which he was saved by his brother Ben, played by the late Christopher Cazenove) Alexis leads him to believe that they are still married so she can use him for—what else—business reasons. They stay oh-so happy for a minute ‘til she finally has a conscience (what?!) and comes clean, causing him to regain his memory and reunite with Krystle. Speaking reuniting, after a night of hot sex with her ex, Dex, Alexis ends up rejecting Dex’s proposition of getting hitched again, causing a major rift between the two. As for I, I can’t help but sigh in despair at all that is going on, causing me to turn off the TV for a while and take a break. As it turns out, a long break. Don’t misunderstand me, I love la Collins and all, but this seventh season is the pits. Thank Heavens for the catfight between Alexis and Dominique which finally happened when I checked back in, for I would have checked out for good.
Adam, who is still a scheming little turd (love him) falls in love with Blake’s secretary, played by none other than DAYS OF OUR LIVES Leann Hunley. He asks her hand in marriage. She accepts, and Mama Alexis plans the wedding. The couple’s happy bubble is soon burst, however, when recently prison free Neil McVane, Alexis long time nemesis and cross dresser (remember when he passed for Alexis and pushed Mark Jenkins off the balcony to incriminate her in Jenkins death?) has proof that Adam is not a Carrington. Finally, something worth our while. So Adam gets bribed, drinks heavily, gets into bar fights, calls off his wedding, then finally comes clean. As a reward for being, well, the bastard that he is, he gets adopted by Blake and Alexis, such an easy task when you’re on night time soaps, isn’t it?
That leaves us Sammy Jo. After fighting Amanda off (for the second time since they had to reshoot due to Cellini’s involvement) in the La Mirage pool, Sammy is left heartbroken—twice. First her marriage to Clay (Ted McGinley) is annulled after inventing a false pregnancy and being rejected by her in-laws, the Fallmonts; then Steven wants nothing but a platonic relationship with her when he moves in and the two end up getting intimate. What a girl to do next? Easy: cling to the past. Still, she soon realizes she’d rather have a non-sexual relationship with Steven than deprive their son of a father. In the meantime, Clay begins a relationship with Leslie (Terri Garber), Ben’s estranged daughter who strangely looks like Pagan from LACE. After finding out he probably is Ben’s son from an affair with his mom, he breaks up with Leslie and leaves Denver, never to be seen again.
This season all comes down to Adam and Dana finally getting a lavish wedding at the mansion, Ben leaving Denver for good, lonely and hurt Alexis plunging her car into the river, and get this, Matthew (Bo Hopkins) coming back from the dead as the Carringtons’ kidnapper to reclaim once and for all his rightly due: Krystle. And I can clearly see women’s lib going down the drain.
Besides the return of Michael and Matthew, clearly this season is all about getting rid of some characters. I would have pushed even further and added Sammy Jo and Steven to the list; Sammy Jo, because, as much fun as she was in previous seasons, she has become a bore to watch in this one. As for our resident homo, take out his hook up with hot Luke (may he rest in peace) in season four, his storylines just don’t go anywhere. This thing about him questioning his sexuality again this season, I mean, c’mon. Enough already. Make him gay once and for all. Although, I heard through the grapevine that the reason the producers stalled on this was because the sponsors where still threatening to backlash the soap if the character ended being up a full-time ‘mo. Figures, but it barely explains this lackluster of a season. Some insiders believe it is largely due to the fact that most of the original writers had left to go to THE COLBYS. Perhaps, but mark my words on this: if season eight resembles anything like this one, I’m out for good. OK, maybe not. We’ll see.