BAD GIRLS CLUB: PAZ DE LA HUERTA IN ‘NURSE 3D’

The instant I saw the hectic trailer for this movie I knew I was going to love it. I mean how can you not? Sexy nurses, girl on girl action, blood galore… All the right ingredients for a sexploitation treat, right, right!? Surely I’m not the only one who so dig this film. But it sure looks that way sometimes considering that NURSE 3D (2013) got panned by critics and moviegoers alike. For what it’s worth, I think NURSE 3D is the best thing to happen since the invention of SHOWGIRLS in 1995. So there you have it. 

The premise goes something like this: Paz de la Huerta is the curvaceous and dedicated nurse from a prestigious hospital somewhere in the States (Toronto, really). She has a penchant for hot female newbies and for sharp medical equipment. When she sets her eyes on newcomer Katrina Bowden at the beginning of the film and they party like animals in a hot club later on it not only results in a drug-fuelled sexual encounter with one another but kick starts a chain of deadly events that will probably make you hot and bothered as well. Indeed, before you can say FATAL ATTRACTION for lesbians, our sexy villain does her hardest to make Bowden her bitch. From slicing a guy’s peen to using a surgical saw to punish a sleazy doctor nothing seems to faze this broad (and all in 3D no less, but only in theaters, alas). Her performance is so over the top that even this spectator can’t resist her charms.  

Though it was a big bomb at the box office even with the great Kathleen Turner in a cameo NURSE 3D truly deserved a better fate.  It was such an enjoyable experience that I wouldn’t have minded watching another 30 minutes (from a less than a 1 hour and a half run). Of course if you’re a die-hard feminist I would recommend passing it up. All the nurses are sexy as hell and the plot is unsurprisingly very demeaning to women (it is written, directed and produced by men). You really have to leave your brain at the door to even enjoy a pinch of it. Since I often do when I’m surrounded by these types of flick, I can clearly attest that not only NURSE 3D is bad twisted fun but has enough of slick production values and nonstop action sequences to render it one of the better films I have come across lately. Definitely cult classic material.  Still not convinced? Just give it a chance and you’ll see what I’m talking about. If you have already and was little impressed, re-watch it, I’m sure you’ll come to your senses.  

For a while there was a rumor going on that a sequel was in the works, perpetuated by Paz de la Huerta herself. But she has then moved on to other projects while suing the producers for having cost her any credibility as an actress after the release of the film, so I doubt any follow-up will see the light of day; a shame, for I really wanted this to happen. Since I am forever waiting for Elizabeth Berkley to reprise her iconic role in a SHOWGIRLS sequel, I will still hold on to the dream of it happening. Besides, you never know what the future holds. Right, John Travolta, Shirley MacLaine, Sigourney Weaver?

Until next post—Martin

‘BARE ESSENCE’ BY MEREDITH RICH

There’s no doubt about it, Meredith Rich’s BARE ESSENCE (Fawcett Books) is a blast. It came at just the right moment, during the first term of the Reagan administration. That’s right, in 1981 when glitz and glam was about to rule the world. DALLAS was already a success on TV while DYNASTY was trying to find its sea legs. As for me, well, I was knee deep into horror. I was around 15 and was still oblivious to trash fiction. Oh I already did read my share of bad books. I just didn’t realize it—yet. Funny how taste changes over time. My love for glam fiction, however, is still ever-present. I’m just a little pickier in my choices now. BARE ESSENCE came into my life in the mid-80s after having read all the collins and robbins and sheldons in existence.  I remember digging it just as much.

The main focus is on a rich man’s kid who wants to make a name for herself in the perfume industry. Of course she’ll have to move many mountains to reach that highly-sought plateau, one of them being making amends with her distant but oh-so glamorous of a mother who’s been screwing everybody around including her own daughter. In between she’ll fall in love, get her heart broken then rediscover love and learn the true meaning of self-respect (yes, I’m challenging THE LONELY LADY pivotal speech scene). In conclusion, she finds her rainbow after all, like any well-intentioned trashy heroine with a silver spoon up her ass can. Oh and there are a bunch of other rich folks whose sole purpose is to stir the pot. In other words, nothing is reinvented in this novel but all is still impressively displayed since Meredith Rich (Claudia Jessup) knows a thing or two about keeping the plot scrumptious. 

In fact, BARE ESSENCE is more than just a time waster in my eyes.  It is an integral part of why I still love reading this genre. Everything in it is so over-the-top perfect that you want it to go on and on indefinitely. I am not surprised Hollywood made a miniseries out of it. And of course it will be featured on this blog when time permits. Just as the short-lived TV series that came afterwards will. If only I could get my hands on that one. I have yet to get around to Rich’s other four novels but once done you will be the first to know. 

BARE ESSENCE is now available wherever digital books are sold.

Until next post—Martin

Digital Cover

‘WHERE LOVE HAS GONE’ BY HAROLD ROBBINS

We all know by now that post ‘70s Harold Robbins’ novels give you nothing more than explicit sex in between melodramas. Not that there’s anything wrong with that if you’re into that sort of a thing. I know I am. But the best Robbins in my opinion come from his early career starting with NEVER LOVE A STRANGER which was turned into a less-than-stellar film starring John Drew Barrymore and a young Steve McQueen. His best of the best are hands down 1964 THE CARPETBAGGERS (also turned into a movie and a box-office champ) and this gem of a novel which I chose to discuss called WHERE LOVE HAS GONE (Pocket Books, 1963). Why that one? It’s the first Robbins novel that I truly connected with.

Based unofficially on the then-Lana Turner/Johnny Stompanato trial (Google it) that involved a knife and the daughter of the late movie star, this sordid tale follows the same paint-by-the-number murder case, but goes one step further by including the omitted denouement thought by all regarding the real-life scenario (again Google it). Protagonist Luke Lurey is the ex-husband caught in the middle, whose ever-present guidance helps put the pieces back together. And what a bunch of wicked pieces they end up being. Just like any scandal sheet type magazine of the time, WHERE LOVE HAS GONE is pulp fiction at its best. With its addictive plot and narratively swinging point of views, this "fictional" delivery by the man who once has been hailed as a master storyteller is one interesting read that surely will please fans of soap operas, and that, despite the toned-down sex scenes.

I have to say that next to THE LONELY LADY, WHERE LOVE HAS GONE is my fave Robbins novel. There is everything in that one: love, murder, sex, and the many sinful doings of a delinquent teen. And Robbins’ turn of phrases doesn’t suck either. It’s a little more polished than what we came to know later on. Of course if you’re looking for Proust you’ve come to the wrong novel or blog for that matter. There is a film adaptation starring Susan Hayworth and Bette Davis that will definitely be featured on this blog. Just give me time to re-re-watch it and I promise to add my two cents. In the meantime grab yourself a copy of WHERE LOVE HAS GONE and dig into the sleaziness of it all.

Until next post—Martin

 

Movie tie-in