LACE AND SHIRLEY CONRAN (1932-2024)

In 1984 I had just come out of the closet. I was living my best gay life, or so I thought when one is barely an adult. I was 19, full of life, self-centered but also a lot of fun, and moody at times, a lot moody really—probably caused by years of brutal bullying: from my family, schoolmates, from anyone who was mean spirited. I never understood what set me apart from other people. Yes, I was an odd kid but wasn’t anybody? Sure, I wasn’t that boyish. I didn’t particularly enjoyed sports, and I preferred playing with dolls more than with trucks but that didn’t mean anything, right, right?!

Oh how wrong I was.

Anyway, back to my gay outing. The thing I liked most back then, besides clubbing and drinking and dabbling in illegal drugs (remember, it was the ‘80s), was reading trashy novels. Like everything else, I found that they helped me cope with life in general.  One of those novels was Shirley Conran’s LACE. I remember vividly the first time I came to know of it. I was watching its TV adaptation and enjoying the heck of it and telling myself that I needed to get a hold of the book ASAP.

I got a paperback copy that same week. In fact, I still own it. Though the novel ended up being quite different from what I had witnessed on the small screen, I couldn’t get enough of Lili, Pagan, Maxine, Judy and Kate, who was the fourth friend in the novel. Even to this day, 40 some years later, I still go back to LACE whenever I feel the need to re-immerse myself in these fascinating women.

Which brings me to the author. Dame Shirley Conran just passed away today (May 9^th of 2024) and I’m sad. She was 91. She will never know how much she meant to me. Just the simple fact that she liked one of my tweets once (when she was on social media) brought me the greatest joy. For the longest time, she, like the rest of her peers, gave me a reason to get up every morning. I felt safe in her surroundings. I still do. And for that I will eternally be grateful.

RIP, talented lady, and thanks for everything.

 

Martin

LACE II, THE MINISERIES, REVISITED

Having seen the miniseries LACE numerous of times since its original airing in 1984 on ABC I decided not too long ago to re-watch its sequel which aired a year or so later on the same network and towards which I was not that kind on this blog in 2013. But like I always say, only crazy people don’t change their minds—and I should know, for I’ve been working in that environment for 32-some years (buy me a drink and I’ll tell you all about it). So I am proud to say that I am now a fervent LACE II fan. Why the change of heart? Simple. They just don’t make them like that anymore. In fact, they have stopped making them like that decades ago. But when they did, rare were they as grand as this one. 

As in the original, the production team went all out for LACE II. No expense was spared. Thailand, UK, Spain, France, US. You just couldn’t get enough of these beautiful locations. And the plot. Let’s talk about the plot. Yes, I concur, it wasn’t as captivating as the original LACE but it did end up having its own merits, lots of them I might add—particularly in the way director William Hale and screenwriter Elliot Baker delivered the goods. Their overall modus operandi reminded us enough of the original LACE while also adding another layer of originality to an already intriguing story. Indeed, who hadn’t wanted to know the identity of Lili’s father? I certainly did, and I guess the producers thought so as well. So my hat is off to them for trying yet again to mix sins and glamour to a highly attractive cast of characters and aim for ratings gold. 

But as we all know by now (especially those of you who have read my former post on this much-publicized sequel) LACE II wasn’t a big ratings success as LACE had been. It received only half the audience of its predecessor. We could blame this on a lot of things: a less punchy premise, new faces replacing those of the first LACE (most noticeably Deborah Raffin as Judy), a much too long subplot involving a rebellion in Asia... But on the other hand, for those same reasons mainly, LACE II did turn out to be better than expected. At least we got something different. Well, almost different. Omit the witch hunt plot involving the three possible dads, some flashbacks involving schoolgirl Judy, Maxine and Pagan, and the emotional grand finale where Lili meets her real father, it’s almost like watching a totally different miniseries. OK, maybe not, but what is left is still quite impressive, especially how things got to be resolved. It wasn’t all wrapped up in a bow as expected. That, plus the Harlequin-like romance between Judy and her abductor, not to mention Lili doing her thing with the hunky astronaut...  All in all, good times, as would say Jerry Blake from TV’s STRANGERS WITH CANDY.  

Yes, LACE II may not have been quite as addictive as LACE but the folks behind the sequel did try their hardest to make it look just as good, which is an achievement per se. Besides, when one reaches a point in his life where he’d rather take things for what they are and not for what they’re supposed to be I’d say, lo and behold, I really had a ball with this sequel after all.

Until next post—Martin  

MEA CULPA, SHIRLEY CONRAN’S 'LACE'

　

Rarely do I change my mind once a review is written and delivered. I make it a rule never to look back. Except when I feel I’ve been unfair. Like for this LACE novel here, which I need to discuss all over again. If you recall, I had been pretty harsh reviewing it, saying things like "far from being perfect", "a struggle", "dull". But let me stop right now before I run off at the mouth again, although I may be a little too late already. Yes, I did say all of those things but I must add to my defense that I made the big mistake of comparing the novel to the TV adaptation. Last spring I took the liberty of re-reading it all over again but with a new perspective: I was going to enjoy it for what it is and not for what it should be. Because, quite frankly, I always felt I was missing something. And suffice to say, the results were quite fruitful.　

Starting with the added friend Kate who previously didn’t gel much with me. This time around I enjoyed her, especially for her faults which were many. Because let’s face it, the girl was a mess with a capital M. But I barely blame her. With a controlling dad and an abusing spouse, it’s surprising she didn’t off herself. Unlike before, I was able to identify with the character, and that’s saying something. In fact I was quite able to identify with all of the characters one way or the other. Because if you look closely enough, you’ll see there’s something keenly revealing about human nature in this novel, whatever the gender. Beyond the many struggles facing the characters there is strength, one that propels them to go on and get to that better place. Like in real life, however, not everyone in LACE gets there. But the novel does become a how-to guide to self-reliance, nonetheless. And maybe that’s one of the reasons why I much prefer reading a book like LACE. It enables me to connect with a part of myself that I sometimes take for granted because I’m a dude (who likes other dudes, I give you that).

 　

My favorite part still’s got to be whenever Lili’s around. Hailed by the press as "Tiger-Lili" because of her wanton ways, her road to stardom is one heck of a bumpy ride, let me tell you. Used and abused mentally and physically, she goes at it with her head held high BUT with a pelvis open for business to survive. Conran dwells deeply into her life story, doing it with flair and realness, and the result is quite compelling to say the least. In the end, the "which one of you bitches is my mother?" line isn’t as grand as the high road the character takes to get to that question. But when she does ask it, in all of her spicy spunk, the reader still feels a certain empathy for her, even though she’s become one high-class beotch by then… Of course we can’t talk about Lili and LACE without mentioning the dirty parts. And there are aplenty. Judy with Nick. Lili with Abdulah. Pagan with Abdulah. Maxine with her Count. Kate with, well, about anyone. Conran goes at them with a fine-toothed comb, never omitting the importance of a woman’s personal satisfaction. Eloquence and kinkiness go hand in hand during those pivotal scenes, and to that we say, take notes E L James—please.

  

　

LACE is divided into many parts, all concentrating on different characters. Yes, some do end up being more rewarding than others but never did I feel blasé going at them this time around. I was able to taste the protagonists’ privileged lives to the fullest and without any qualms. Yes, it is a woman’s novel, there’s no doubt about that. But underneath all the glam and glamour and sex, lies a people novel. And that’s LACE’s biggest strength, in my opinion. That and its rich narrative, of course. So go on, call me unreliable, if you want to, for having changed my mind regarding this novel but I’ll tell you this, you become an adult when you stop caring what others think about you and start caring what YOU think about them. That’s how Judy sees it and, frankly, so do I.

　

LACE is still available through Canongate Books LTD with a new afterword (LACE: THE TRUE STORY) by the author.

　

Until next post—Martin

　

LACE II: DADDY’S GIRL

Here’s how I like to envision it: after the success of LACE on ABC, the powers that be rushed out to make a sequel. Problem was, one of their leading ladies, Bess Armstrong, was unavailable. Worse, the continuing story suggested by author Shirley Conran failed to make everyone happy. In the book, Lili (played on TV by the very glamorous Phoebe Cates) is kidnapped. Most of the novel centers around getting her back. This didn’t bode well for the producers since they desperately wanted the spotlight on Cates again. So what they ended up doing is make the kidnapping victim Judy Hale, Lili’s mom. That way, most of the miniseries would once again highlight the L’Hirondelle school for girls in flashbacks; while, in the present, focusing on Lili’s ultimate quest in finding her real dad to pay for the high ransom. Sort of like the hidden years of Lucinda Lace (Judy’s fictional heroine) crossed with a Nancy Drew-ish investigation. Juicy, right? Well, not exactly.

The main problem is Bess Armstrong’s replacement, the late Deborah Raffin. Her take on the Judy character is all wrong. Judy is serious, opinionated, a bit rude at times. In this one everything she does and says spells a different person. If it’s not her laid back attitude, it’s the way she makes silly jokes, as if Judy had a sense of humor in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I like Raffin as the next guy, but she’s totally miscast here. And what about the whole silly plot of dragging her kidnapped ass to the jungle? We get it, she’s been tricked into thinking she’s getting her biggest scoop yet. But the whole I hate you I love you shtick with her suave captor has been done to death, and frankly, we’re ready to move on. So who’s to blame, here? The screenwriter—Elliott Baker—mostly, who did come up with the silly plot. But I suspect he had no choice but to follow orders. How else can you explain all this drivel?

Another thing that bugs me is that Lili’s accent is MIA. I know, her foreign dialect is hardly credible in the original LACE but at least it makes sense that her character should have one (remember, she was raised by the Dassins in Château-d’Oex, then became a prisoner of war in Hungary before escaping to Paris). In this sequel, however, only the American accent survives. Which is fine in itself, but shouldn’t she at least add a little European flavor to it, like oui, non or Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques...? Anything to prove that she is who she claims she is. Because as it stands, I have my doubts.

Which brings my biggest pet peeve: Lili’s prissy manners. Now that she’s found her mother and all is happy with the world (at least for a while), it looks like Lili’s sex symbol image has definitely taken a step back. Gone is the baby face-pout, the insolence of her ways, the exhibitionist extraordinaire… Now it’s mature Lili to the rescue, the voice of reason almost; leaving little of her old self, which, to me, spells inconsistency. Remember, part two follows exactly where part I left off, meaning the time-lapse between the two is to a minimum. But strangely, Lili—just like her mom—almost becomes a different character. And don’t tell me it’s because she’s more grounded now. A person does not change that quickly. Thanks heaven Maxine and Pagan stay relatively the same (besides having two different-looking husbands), but share less screen time. They mostly act as foils to Miss Lili. So, I’ll say it again: shame on you, Elliott Baker!

I  know. You don’t have to tell me. I obsess over this way too much. But I had such high hopes for LACE II. I wanted it to be as wonderful as the original. Heck, I even wanted it to become a weekly series. And maybe it would have been had it reached the success of its predecessor. But it only did okay in the ratings. I should have known it was not meant to be the moment Lili’s face appeared on a Times Square billboard without the notorious theme score to back it up. Oh, the Deniece Williams song did grow on me over the years but, alas, just like this sequel, it never reached the level of amazement. Still, I do check out LACE II every once in a while. For, despite its many faults, I still enjoy it to a certain degree (especially the scene involving Lili and the astronaut on a balcony which to me captures the real essence of LACE). And watching the continuing misadventures of Lili is better than nothing at all. But as someone very wise once said: what the f—. My thoughts exactly regarding LACE II.

Until next post—Martin

SHIRLEY CONRAN AND HER 'SAVAGES'

Those who have already read my blog entry about Penny Vincenzi’s OLD SINS will know that I tend to stray away from hefty novels. Not because they aren’t my cup of tea, but life is too short to invest my heart and soul into long-winded works. Well, that’s what I thought for the longest time until I got a hold of OLD SINS. Anyway, to make a long story short, let’s just say that I still feel the same way but not as much, which is the reason for this new entry. I finally managed to read Shirley Conran’s SAVAGES in its entirety. Yes, again, like many others before it, I tossed up the book twice before finally sticking with it. At 691 pages (the International mass market paperback edition) you can imagine the degree of devotion I needed to keep with the flow. But I did persevere and I’m proud to say that it is one heck of a read.

The story revolves around five privileged women who must rely on themselves when their respective husbands are assassinated during a business trip in the tropics that bumps into a revolution. Different as night and day, these ladies will nonetheless form a solid bond when they end up surviving for weeks in the jungle. As you can imagine, SAVAGES is far from being all glamorous with its many tales of skinning, fishing, even slaughtering as mean to stay alive, but the investment is as worthwhile. Conran delivers a strong narrative that replaces lace and diamonds with strength and willpower,  making this offering her strongest book yet.

What’s also great about SAVAGES is the way the author shies away from the stereotypical route, choosing a more creative one that packs more punch. I was expecting (and dreading) these survivalists to be caught in a big tribal scene since they are stuck in a jungle, but Conran envisions it quite differently. For when it does seem to go there these ladies are already far and away, trying their best to get rescued from the right people. Because the bad guys are not necessarily the ones with painted faces. Let’s just leave it at that. 
 

Like I mentioned earlier, the edition I ended up with is the international one from Pocket Books that usually invades airports across the Western or Northern skies. I found it in an used bookstore at a Montreal hospital after having taken care of a busted knee (running accident). This mass market copy differs slightly from the  UK or Canada edition. Starting with the cover which is a reprint of the dust jacket from the hardback. Personally I prefer it to the Penguin Books edition featuring a hot babe on a beach. It represents more what the book is. Moreover, the international paperback features a never-before-seen prologue focusing on two ill-fated secondary characters mentioned later in the story. I wonder if these extra pages are included in the just re-released edition from Pan Books (below). All in all, a grand novel to throw yourself into, whatever its length.

 

 

 

 

Until next post—Martin

 

'LACE', THE BOOK

A few years ago I wrote a lukewarm Amazon review regarding Shirley Conran’s LACE. I titled it “More Like Cotton”, referring to the degree of smoothness this tale of revenge on mama lacked overall. The novel, far from being perfect, failed to stir any warm feelings on my part, like the adapted mini-series did when it first aired in 1984. Someone replied to my less than enthusiastic comment about the book, labeling it rubbish on account of my gender. That bothered me. I replied by saying that I'm sure a man's perspective wouldn't have mattered had this been a rave review, which I still believe today. Frankly, a novel is as good as its author makes it out to be.

I re-visited LACE last week, keeping in mind that person’s unfavorable comment. And I can see why she wrote it. Clearly, LACE is a woman’s book. You can swing a “Duh” here if you want, but what I mean is that, contrary to many offerings in the same category, this one makes a point in elevating its female characters even higher to reach that I am woman hear my roar pedestal. In my opinion, no other novels besides Marilyn French’s THE WOMEN’S ROOM ever did that. Sure, LACE is a ‘80s genre book, meaning opulence takes center stage, but its theme is still the ever strong bond these women share while moving mountains to fulfill their individual needs.

But, alas, this discovery does not make LACE a better read a second time around. Yes, the main story line about sex symbol Lili wanting to find her real mom is as intriguing as it can be, but besides that, everything else is a struggle. Conran’s narrative is wordy and, let’s not mince words, almost dull. You barely come out feeling anything for these career gals. Moreover, the men in their lives are the bad guys. The author makes sure we, the readers, know it over and over as we go along.

This never really annoyed me before, since I’m from (and all for) the Jackie Collins school of get away from me bad men as I conquer the world and look stunning while doing so. It’s just that in this novel, no one with a schlong is friendly, and while it usually still makes for swift reading in any other work, Conran’s LACE ends up irking more than pleasing. Perhaps I would have enjoyed it better had it been a bit more pro-male. So, yes, I guess that Amazon person was right all along. You shouldn’t give credence to my point of view regarding novels for women about women such as LACE. I'd much rather watch the sensational TV adaptation, anyway.

Until next post—Martin



'LACE' MINISERIES: PRIVILEGED LIES

   

"Which one of you bitches is my mother?" Those infamous words uttered by a vengeful Phoebe Cates to three unsuspected career women in the two-parter LACE are silk to connoisseurs of ultra-glam miniseries ears. Indeed, the ABC television event, which aired in the winter of 1984, has become a classic in the genre due mostly to its slick production values and its effective storytelling. Hailed as one of the guiltiest of pleasures, its success has not only paved the way for other soapy-like treats but has even spawned a sequel a year or so later—a rare thing in TV world. So it is with great honor that I present to you, LACE.

I remember vividly when it was first televised. It was on a Friday. I was still living at my parents house, flipping channels in my room when I came across this tasty tale of three high school chums who have a thing for cute guys, silly promises and the high cost of living. Before I continue, let me say right away that the first part of the five hour frothy drama was shown two days early here in Canada. A thing the CTV network (then called CFCF 12 for a local Montreal TV station) used to do a lot; and not only for miniseries or movies, but for daytime soaps (like an earlier in the day airing of ANOTHER WORLD) and TV shows (MAGNUM P.I., THE WALTONS, LAVERNE & SHIRLEY…) as well. Anyway, to get back to LACE, ABC did broadcast the same episode the next Sunday night February 26th. So imagine my luck when I realized that I could see it all over again and even tape it on my betacam if I wanted to. I had spent the entire Saturday playing the first episode in my mind and I couldn’t wait to discover who the heck was Lili’s mother, though I had a pretty good hunch already (but more on that later).
 

Then came the highly anticipated on-air conclusion Monday night the 27th ; this time simultaneously on both sides of the border. Suffice to say, I was riveted to the screen as the big climactic scene—enhanced by the powerful music score of Nick Bicât—finally came to reveal the true identity of Lili’s mom. Recalling this, I can still see myself watching it like nothing else mattered, this cute little teen who, tries as he might, could never really fit in with the norm. What I didn’t know then but would soon learn as the end credits appeared was how much in sync I already was with the great trash world. Indeed, it didn’t take long for me after that to start experiencing other miniseries like LACE. Though rarely did they give me the same high.
 

I have seen a lot of trashy miniseries since then. In fact, I still get all excited whenever one shows up on TV. But nothing compares to the buzz given in discovering LACE. It’s as grand as Lili’s unflappable ego. I wish I could say the same thing about the novel on which it is based but alas it does not come close to the high camp thrill of its TV adaptation (thanks to screenwriter Elliot Baker), even if author Shirley Conran does shake the plot a lot with added characters including a fourth friend named Kate. I read the book after the TV fact, so perhaps my dissatisfaction comes from that.

Yes, LACE was my real intro into trash land. To those who have yet to see it, LACE supercharged plot and glamorous locations will definitely leave you wanting more, provided that you’re into that form of entertainment, of course. And be aware that this miniseries comes also with its bag of silliness, most noticeably in regards to Phoebe Cates’ weird accent which comes and goes as it pleases. But if you can stomach this and all the high-gloss stuffing, I’m sure you’ll be as thrilled as I was in discovering this gem. Oh, and about Lili’s mom. Her identity was no surprise to me because the actress who portrayed her was the most recognizable face of the three leading ladies at the time. I figured her character would do anything, even birth an illegitimate child, to keep the spotlight onto herself.

 

Until next post—Martin