BAD GIRLS CLUB: PIA ZADORA IN ‘FAKE-OUT’

 

After watching the delectable THE LONELY LADY in the mid-‘80s on VHS I made the solemn vow to catch anything that starred Pia Zadora. It scarcely mattered if it was a film, an album, an invitation to some talk show. As long as there was her name on it I was a happy trooper. That’s how I came to rent 1982 FAKE-OUT a year later. I remember being very excited at the prospect of finally seeing her in something else. BUTTERFLY was still on my bucket list so I was really looking forward to enjoying this one. Did I? Well, read on, my little cyber friends, read on.

 

The best thing about FAKE-OUT (aka NEVADA HEAT)—besides having the lovely Pia sing the opening Last Vegas number (‘Those Eyes’) in freeze-frame shots while clad in a Bob Mackie original—is the first 17 minutes when she ends up being thrown in the slammer after refusing to testify against her mobster boyfriend. There the viewer gets to see Pia take a shower; grind her leotard-clad booty while conducting an inmate aerobic class; get tough love via a girl on girl (suggested only) gang bang action. Can we say CHAINED HEAT part deux? Not so, sadly, for what follows is all happening outside the slammer where screwball comedy is king and playing cat and mouse is a prerequisite.

 

Indeed, Pia’s character ends up buying her way out of prison and spending part of the movie trying to sneak out of the casino hotel room where custody cops Telly Savalas and Desi Arnaz Jr. keep her while she waits to see the DA. Of course she’ll fail miserably while developing an attraction to Arnaz who ends up taking her away in a luxury yacht where they fall in love and ultimately get shot at before the final credits roll. The movie is about 90 minute long but boy does it seem endless. Wooden characters, cringed-worthy situations, clichés abound, FAKE-OUT feels more like a collection of silly vignettes than an actual movie. Pia tries her best but once out of jail nothing really makes her shine. Still, we get to see her a lot, with or without her lack of chemistry with love interest Desi Arnaz Jr. Oh and Savalas gets to play a Kojak-like type once again minus the lollipop. Suffice to say his on-screen presence barely helps matters, but since he was still a pseudo-hot commodity back then, what do I know? All in all, a very disjointed film that started promising but quickly crashed and burned due mainly to everything falling flat. Where’s Nomi Malone when we need her.

 

C0-written, produced, and directed by Matt Climber who gave us the much better BUTTERFLY—Pia’s first major role—the year prior, FAKE-OUT is the remake of LADY COCOA (1975) by the same director. It stars Vegas sensation Lola Falana. Supposedly it is not so good either. I will still catch it one day and let you know all about it. In the meantime go watch or re-watch THE LONELY LADY or BUTTERFLY instead. You’ll have a better time. Trust me. Unless you’re a Pia Zadora super fan, then, by all means indulge yourself. But you have been warned.

 

Until next post—Martin

PIA ZADORA AND 'BUTTERFLY'

The first time I ever saw BUTTERFLY I was barely out of puberty.  It was around 1983.  I had just discovered the delectably bad THE LONELY LADY and I was on a Pia fix.  In came this Matt Cimber production, courtesy of the now defunct Vestron Video and my local video store.  I remember how excited I was just sliding this baby in my Betamax slot, expecting to be glamourized yet again by the Zadora touch.  She at the time was deeply married to millionaire Meshulam Rikkis, and legend has it that he had bought the film rights to this James Cain novel for her.  It was to be her first adult film (SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS anyone?).  But I was totally clueless of these facts, having been only aware of THE LONELY LADY.  Anyway, as I was saying, I was completely psyched about seeing another Pia film. Because when I love, I love big (ask my other half), and to me this little lady represented everything I wanted in my flicks:  a little bit of fun, a little bit of glam. But a whole lot of craziness mostly.

I admit, BUTTERFLY isn’t exactly glitz and glamour.  Set in the 1930s Arizona, Pia portrays a poor nymph (in a sexy Bob Mackie frump, however) who reconnects more ways than one with her long-lost dad, played by the ever intense Stacy Keach (MISTRAL’S DAUGHTER).   Since he is a loner living in a shack by some silver mine and she is already very experienced in the ways of life (wink wink), you can bet that trouble soon ensues.  Add a plan to rob the owner of the mine, not to mention a physical attraction between the two leads, and you’ve got yourself one heck of an effective high-camp gem at your service. 
 

Before long Pia is showcasing her curvy silhouette from behind a lighted curtain or is being scrubbed by her daddy in the infamous bathtub scene.  There’s even a child-bearing subplot and the appearance of a bunch of seasonal performers, like hottie James Francescus who plays Keach’s nemesis or big as a barrel Orson Wells as the town judge to stir the pot.  Turns out Keach’s not Pia’s father and thus wants her for himself, but Pia already has other plans, like living with her baby daddy for a change (yes, he shows up as well in the form of Edward Albert).  Cue in the syrupy but so catchy IT’S WRONG FOR ME TO LOVE YOU tune sung by Miss Zadora and arranged by no other than composer Ennio Morricone (ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST) and all ends well with the world—well, not really.  Pay close attention during the end credits scene and you’ll have a pretty good idea of the faith awaiting Keach. 

 

The film was released in theaters in February of 1982 and was crucified by the critics, which makes me wonder if they did see the same film.  Sure it isn’t CITIZEN KANE but it certainly does well what it sets out to do, meaning entertain.  It also pushes the boundaries of sexual attraction between a man and his daughter—a highly controversial topic in itself but one that is artfully done, thanks to a creative mind of director Cimber who also pens the adapted screenplay.  Performance-wise, Stacy Keach gives all he’s got.  And Pia sparkles in her first starring role, which did earn her a Golden Globe award for best newcomer.   I’m telling you, BUTTERFLY’s worth a second look.  It may not be as out there as THE LONELY LADY but it sure delivers the goods in its own way.  So go on, get yourself a DVD copy and see what the fuss is—and was— all about.

 

  

 

Until next post—Martin 

 

 

 

MIXED BAG: PIA ZADORA

For all of those Pia Zadora fans out there, here’s an in-depth interview Paul Freeman from Pop Culture Classics did with her very recently. In it she dishes--among other things--about  THE LONELY LADY and what made her want to star in it. Here’s a snippet of what she reveals:

"When I used to do interviews and they asked about ‘Lonely Lady’ I’d say, ‘Well, it was not released. It escaped. It should not have escaped, but unfortunately, now that it’s there, we have to deal with it.’ It could have been, not a great movie, but a decent statement about a woman who is struggling to become something in Hollywood. But it just went off in the wrong direction, with the wrong director and the wrong writer. And so it became a camp, cult classic, which is kind of interesting. It’s kind of fun that it went in that direction. What the heck? As long as it made someone laugh and made people happy, what the heck?"

You can read the rest by simply clicking here.

 

Until next post—Martin

PIA ZADORA AND 'THE LONELY LADY'

  

I can’t go on doing this blog without giving a well-deserved shout-out to the legendary Miss Pia Zadora for keeping onscreen smut alive and well. For decades, she’s been known for acting in the worst—but highly enjoyable—movies ever made; movies such as BUTTERFLY, FAKE-OUT, VOYAGE OF THE ROCK ALIENS, and my personal favorite THE LONELY LADY. I just can’t get enough of this 1983 Peter Sasdy film. Watching it is to me one of the great joys in life, and I’m not kidding. Nothing in it bores me. I am literally glued to the screen every time I pop the DVD disc (from a VHS source, since the film as yet to be released onto DVD) into my player.

Why, you may ask? Why put myself through this grade-Z Hollywood fiasco over and over again? For the simple fact that THE LONELY LADY is an enjoyable mess. Everything in it is so wrong that it’s right, from the syrupy soundtrack to the over the top acting, to the guffaw-induced storyline, not to mention the very stilted dialogue exchange. Not a moment is spared in non-delivering the high camp goods. But my love for this gem even goes further than that. Beyond the evident mishaps (and they are many) exists a real tour de force of a film. Perhaps not from Zadora herself, bless her little heart, though she tries her best—maybe too much—to bring life into her role. But from the way the film is handled. THE LONELY LADY is almost an homage to the early exploitation films of the '30s and '40s (Barbara Stanwyck’s BABY FACE comes to mind), as well as sexploitation flicks of the mid '70s (NASHVILLE GIRL starring Monica Gayle is one). Director Peter Sasdy makes sure that everything bathes in sleaze, as it should be, since the film is based on a novel by Harold Robbins, the master of sleaze himself. And it’s probably the reason why the film got panned the way it did when first released; its adaptation to the screen is too much like a '70s vintage Robbins: lots of tawdry, degrading sex and little else; a premise not too popular for the high-gloss seeking audience of the '80s.
　

Filmed in Italy, London and Hollywood, Universal Pictures (in association with Harold Robbins productions) did break the bank in producing what I’m sure they thought would be another slick soap opera movie à la THE CARPETBAGGERS, THE BETSY, heck even à la THE ADVENTURERS for that matter—all big budgeted films based on Robbins novels. But something must have happened along the way for THE LONELY LADY to nosedive the way it did. Because indeed, compared to those films, THE LONELY LADY is far from looking and acting its best; though, like I said, the exploitation/sexploitation factor to it does bring it to another level. Moreover, scenes of such unintentional laughter—like the Pia’s climactic fit, for example—does place it as must-see campy moments. And to tell you the truth, had it not been as cheesy-looking and as affectionately bad, perhaps this blog would have never focused on it in the first place. So suffice to say, THE LONELY LADY is exactly as it should be.



　
We now must talk about Miss Zadora’s role in the film. In it, she plays a would-be screenwriter who wants to make it in Hollywood no matter what; a part that strangely resembles Pia’s then real life. Both women were married to rich guys, both had husbands who helped them get ahead in the business, both watched their careers hit a wall after some form of success. Pia went on to make the low-budget but not that well-received VOYAGE OF THE ROCK ALIENS, then had a little upswing with her singing career to finally disappear in whatever-happened-to-her heaven. Although she’s sort of making a comeback nowadays belting out her old tunes all around Vegas. As for Peter Sasdy, the director, after the fiasco that LONELY LADY was, he concentrated his next move on syndicated TV in the '80s and '90s, before disappearing completely from the face of the earth. On a side note, if you guys are still interested in experiencing his vision in films, take a look at his I DON'T WANT TO BE BORN (1975), starring none other than Joan Collins herself. This one has to be seen to be believed as well.

　

Now that I got this movie and its adorable star off my chest, I can finally rest in peace and say that I plan on writing more about those types of films. Trust me, they need all the spotlight they can get.

 

 

 

　
Until next post—Martin